In Case
by thethingaboutlove
Summary: A FinnRey fic in which Rey reflects on Finn's life. She misses him so deeply but needs to be strong. For the both of them. Worth the read:) An emotional(?) oneshot.


**Note: This is my first FinnRey fic on here and I was listening to this song and got a sad but great idea. I hope you enjoy.**

 **Song: In Case by Demi Lovato**

 _ **Pictures in my pocket**_

 _ **Are faded from the washer**_

 _ **I can barely just make out your face"**_

Calloused hands run gently over the tattered edges of the once smooth photographs. Tracing the soft outline of his strong frame. Eyes bright above a dashing grin as he looks at his love. A single tear rolls down her face as the memory of the photo surfaces.

 _"Smile, Rey" Finn says energetically, "come on, it'll be a great photo" Rey looks at him, eyebrows raised. She was forced to come to this damn party. I mean she gets it, it is the birthday of one of Finn's fellow cops but there's so much noise. But she smiles. Because Finn is happy, and he makes her happy. He nuzzles his nose against her neck and places a soft kiss on her freckled cheek. "Smile for the camera, hun" he says in a deep, funny voice. Rey tilts her head back, overcome with laughter. He always knew how to make her laugh. And he just smiles at her. This brilliant, magnificent smile full of love. And he looks at her like she is the only important person in the whole entire world. And to him she was._

 _ **"Food you saved for later**_

 _ **In my refrigerator**_

 _ **It's been too long since later never came"**_

Luminescent lights flicker on as she opens the fridge door. The smell of noodles engulfs her face and she wrinkles her nose. She squints her eyes at the contents, the low hum of electricity the only sounds in the dark, empty house. Her hand reaches into the cold, pulling out the half-empty plastic box.

 _Finn nuzzles into Rey's neck eliciting a small giggle from her. "mm, stop. I'm still eating." Rey whines groggily with a big smile on her face. "Well I'm full so deal with it." Finn retorts cockily. "Well, someone is getting clever" the sleepy girl mutters. "That'd be me." He says as he captures her lips in his. She kisses back lazily, her food long forgotten. And that's how they end up with two tubs of half-eaten Chinese noodles left on the table ready for the fridge; with Finn and Rey cuddling, and kissing on the couch. Rey breaks away "mm, I love you." she grins "I know," he pecks her nose making the cute creases under her eyes appear "And I love you too"_

 _ **"I know**_

 _ **One day eventually**_

 _ **Yeah, I know**_

 _ **One day I'll have to let it all go"**_

The clinking of the metal bin brings Rey back to the present. She looks down to the overflowing black bag then down to the cold tub in her hands and she can't bring herself to do it. There's a bang as she steps back and metal returns to metal. Foolishness overcomes her, yet she still returns the noodles to the fridge. To stay there for as long as she needs.

 _ **"But I keep it just in case**_

 _ **Yeah, I keep it just in case"**_

Soft footsteps pad on the laminate flooring as she weaves her way through towering boxes and piles of black bags and makes her way up the stairs. Their, _her,_ bedroom door creaks open and streaks of moonlight shine in through the window and land on the open bag of clothes that were headed for the trash. She stalks her way over to it, casting her shadow in the place of the light. Crouching down to ready herself to sit on the chilly, harsh wood; the light catches fabric to her left. Dark black fabric bundled up in a messy pile.

 _ **"Strong enough to leave you**_

 _ **But weak enough to need you**_

 _ **Cared enough to let you walk away"**_

 _"Aww honey pleeeeaaase. I really want to go." Finn frowns like that of a child "And you know I won't if you don't want me to."_

The mission was dangerous. Why didn't she say know? She should have said no.

 _Rey curses herself. But she could not resist the way his eyes lit up when he told her about it. Told her about all the children he'd be saving. The possible promotion. He'd be valued more down at the station. A loud scoff escapes her mouth when he says this because she already knows how valuable he his. Everybody loves him. So, she says yes. Says yes to that irresistible smile, and those shining eyes and his hope to save all those children because he wanted it so bad and all Rey ever wanted was for him to be happy. Not expecting that he'd never come home and great her with a kiss on the lips and a warm, suffocating hug._

She feels like she is suffocating now. As the small tendrils falling from the sky start to patter on the window and roof. As she remembers that day that feels so long ago but happened only two weeks ago. The worst day of her life.

 _"Finn was the best man I'd ever met. Of course, he was, that's why I married him." She lets herself chuckle a sad chuckle as she remembers him waiting at the bottom of the altar, a look of wonder on his face. "And he deserved so much more in life, he deserved to see more, to live more, to be more." Her body turns to the Mahogany wood and then down to her stomach as she places her hand on the tiny, round surface soon to be size of a football. "He was such a good man. And he was going to be an excellent father" the tears form rivers from her eyes down her face as she chokes on her words "He was so excited, that when I told him he started looking for bigger houses immediately" her voice is now lower than it was before as she says, "everything is packed, we were going to move after he came back" the flow of water is so much that her vision is blurry, and her throat is tight. There's so much more she needs to say but she can only get out the last five words that she has spoken in two weeks. With blurred vision she looks down at her torso and gently rubs against their unborn child's temporary home as she says, "We will always love you."_

Shaking hands clasp around the supple fabric and with as much force as she can muster she tosses it to the other side of the room. It slides down the dark purple wall – _Finn's colour_ \- she thinks, as a sob escapes her throat. Followed by a deafening scream that could put a banshee out of work. And then she utters her first words in the past two weeks with a croaky voice. "Why? Why did you have to leave? I know I said goodbye to you, but I still need you. I'll always need you." She knows it's futile, shouting into the empty abyss of her cold house, but she needs to get it out. She hates herself for being so weak. For letting him walk out of that door the morning of the mission. For letting him go and for thinking that he was going to come home. For hating the fact that he sacrificed himself for all those children who are still alive, because she shouldn't be angry at them she should be angry at him. But, how can she? He didn't know he was going to his death. He didn't know he would never see his family again. Hell, he didn't even know he was having a little girl. _He didn't know._

 _ **"I took that dirty jacket**_

 _ **From the trash right where you left it**_

 _ **'Cause I couldn't stand to see it go to waste"**_

Slim hands reach out and cause the trash bag in front of her to crinkle. Icy leather touches her fingers as she clenches her hands around it and pulls it out. Warm brown with orange hues. Finn's favourite jacket. She pulls the tattered fabric up to meet her nose and inhales the strong smell of Finn that still lingers. Clinging to it like it is her lifeline. There's a stirring in her stomach and she places her free hand over their baby. Feeling the heart ache more with every kick and punch the child throws. To let her mother know that she's here, and she's alive. Caring, even before she is born. Her father's daughter.

 _ **"I know**_

 _ **One day eventually**_

 _ **Yeah, I know**_

 _ **One day I'll have to let it all go**_

 _ **But I keep it just in case"**_

Rey sits on the porch of her five-year-old house. Watching her four-and-a-half-year-old daughter push herself on the swing. Long, dark curly hair bounces up and down. Her laughter creating dimples on her light, caramel skin and under her deep brown eyes. Wrapped snuggly in one of the only things that can give her comfort, watching the only thing that she truly loves in this world. Little feet pad over to Rey. Her small daughter reaching up for her mother to place her in her lap. She snuggles into her mother's chest inhaling the ever so faint smell of her father. Rey smiles. A genuine smile because despite all the pain and heartache this notion gives her comfort. It makes her feel close to both Finn and Serenity. Like a family cuddle they never got but deserved so much. But this will have to do. The both of them, safe, in the confines of Finn's favourite, worn out jacket. Feeling his presence so strongly, yet not at all.

 _ **"Yeah, I keep it just in case."**_


End file.
